When I originally thought of this post series, I had intended on writing a “Top 5 Terrible Horror Movie Sequels” to discuss some of the awful sequels that have come out. As I tried to write my list, I realized that I actually haven’t watched as many bad sequels as I thought. It’s not that I haven’t watched sequels or watched about a million horror movies both good and hilariously bad, but I realized that the problem was that I pretty much refuse to watch shitty sequels to horror movies that shouldn’t have had a second (or third, or thirteenth) movie in the first place.
In the end, I decided that I would keep the lists short by giving three of each instead, and do it in a three-part series, which I’ll release once a week for the next three weeks. Imagine it as my “The Good, the Bad, and the Really Freaking Ugly” list. For Part I, I’ll talk about the “bad.”
After discovering that I’ve watched very few sequels due to straight up refusing to watch them, I had very few to choose from for my list. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen my share of sequels that fall into the “meh” range (I Know What You Did Last Summer and a few of the decent Halloween sequels, for example), but the following are three with enough substance to talk about. So, here are three terrible sequels I’ve seen.
Do I really need to say more? I mean… TEN movies? The first two: okay, I get it, and they weren’t that bad. But really, anything after that was just too stupid. Let’s think about this: Jason… IN SPACE. I can’t even imagine how this went down during the conception and writing stage, and I definitely can’t think of anyone who would think this was a good idea. I often wonder what was going through the minds of these sequel writers. Did the guys purposely do the stupidest thing they could think of? Or were they actually serious here? (It should be noted that there were a lot of dumb sequels coming out at this time, so maybe it was just a phase in the horror genre?)
Even though this one could have been way worse, it was an extreme disappointment of a sequel to an awesome first movie. Maybe we all had high hopes and they were just dashed at every turn. While the movie has a really creepy old guy leering at a little girl all the time—and let’s face it, that IS creepy—it still doesn’t make for a good movie. Let’s put it this way, I fail to see the horror in swallowing a possessed worm from a tequila bottle and then, in turn, becoming possessed. Well, I do see the horror in its absurdity. Otherwise, it’s just too ridiculous.
Just look at that Photoshop job. Ah, gotta love that crap. Okay, before you start laughing so hard you can’t continue reading, let me at least mention this one. While the original Tremors wasn’t exactly the greatest horror movie ever, it still had its merits. I like B horror movies and spent most of my childhood (and adulthood!) watching them with my dad and sister, but Tremors III isn’t even close to a B movie. I don’t know if it was the loss of Kevin Bacon (after 1) and then Fred Ward (after 2) that made it go awry, but I just can’t enjoy an alleged horror movie with butt-blasting monsters who fart explosives in order to fly. As if that isn’t bad enough, the humans spend the rest of the film (which is most of it) referring to them as “Assblasters.” I’m sorry, but no. Just no. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m having a crappy horror movie marathon, I might watch this one (or if it’s a Tremors marathon), but otherwise… no.
There are, of course, some others that are worth mentioning that, for whatever reason, I have seen: Bride of Chucky, Halloween 2, and Nightmare on Elm Street 2. Man, I really had to rack my brain for some of these. Just like I can predict the “twist” in a movie about five minutes in (I’m talking about you, The Unborn), I can tell when a sequel is not worth my time. In the next installment, I’ll talk about sequels so terrible I refused to watch them.